The Deceiver

Because I’m a masochist—and also partly because I have a foolish optimistic hope of progress towards acceptance—I watched the sixth episode of the “Real World: Brooklyn” today. This week was the week Katelynn finally told the rest of her roommates that she is, in fact, transgender. Now, all throughout the show all the boys would joke about her, making jokes that questioned her gender identity, objectifying her body, and generally speaking about her as though she were a side show freak. It’s lovely, right? There was even one point in the show that her gay male roommate outted her to the rest of the boys, discussing her surgery and otherwise compromising the trust Katelynn had placed in him. In all these ways the “Real World” has disgusted me. Tonight was no different. The guys made jokes at her expense, ridiculed her behind her back, and complained that she still had not come out to them. The way the guys talked implied they felt privy to these very intimate details—they have the right to know all the “dirty” secrets, dammit, and it’s an insult that she isn’t opening her entire biological history on the couch or letting the boys poke around her genitals. Okay, that’s an exaggeration…but only a very small exaggeration!

Katelynn touched on this in her blog: the deception myth. There’s a long-standing trend to blame trans people for all the violence that befalls them. Oh, you were raped, beaten, strangled and shot three times in the face? Silly you—you deserved it. After all, you didn’t walk around with the word “transgender freak fuck” tattooed on your forehead. No. You deceived us. You lied to us, seduced us, sexually assaulted and harassed us. You deserved it.

You may think I took irony a little too far just now, but I disagree. The attitudes shown on the “Real World” were subtler, less violent than the case I just sarcastically described—but that “sarcasm” is, sadly, a reality. One year ago today Letitia King, 15, was murdered by a one of her male classmates because she loved him. If you haven’t heard of Letitia, maybe you’d recognize her by the name Lawrence King. After she was murdered, many in the media decided to depict her as something of a sexual predator: she “is portrayed as having stalked, sexually harassed, and bullied Brandon [her killer] into a corner where his only possible response was pulling that trigger” (Alex Blaze). And even when Letitia was depicted somewhat sympathetically in the media, her gender identity and preferred name were erased, and in their place the name “Lawrence” and male pronouns dominated. People said Lawrence was murdered because he was gay.

How Letitia was treated in the media, as I said, is not uncommon. Remember Angie Zapata? When she died there was a huge outcry—even within the trans community—that she should have been out about her trans status, that because she wasn’t honest she brought about her own murder. The same arguments flew around when Gwen Araujo was murdered: this idea that trans people are actively engaged in deceiving people, seducing them, and therein deserving of the violence enacted upon them.

This is what they call cis-privilege. It’s that trans people are expected to disclose their history and their genetalia while cis people are not. It’s that trans people are still seen as deceivers and frauds when cis people are not. When speaking to some folks about being transgender, some have said to me, “Wow, I never would have guessed you were…I mean, you look like a girl.” I know what they’re trying to say, and I know they’re trying to give me a compliment, but what they’re saying is “Wow, I would have never guessed you weren’t a girl.” Thanks for the back-handed compliment. The non-transgender world has positioned itself with this perceived power to invalidate the identity of trans people—to paint us as perpetrators of violence and deceit while those who actually beat and kill us are victims. It is ridiculous that this is used as an excuse for violence, and just as frustrating that these same belief structures are used to deconstruct a person’s identity into genitals—organs that may or may not adequately reflect that person’s perception of self.

Being transgender and living my life on my terms—being myself—is not deceit. It’s hard enough to go through life with the fear that should I entrust my gender history to friends and loved ones they might abandon or harm me. While sharing this information should not negate my sex or change who I am in any way, often this information is used to define me and to devalue and objectify me. I’m a girl, just as Gwen was, and Letitia was, and Angie was, and Katelynn is. Our presentation as such is not a deception, but rather the opposite: it is authenticity. Our transgender status or identities or histories does not change the fact that we are women. And those who know who I am and know about my transsexuality should consider themselves damn privileged and honored that I entrusted them with this information—that I decided to share this intimate piece of myself—because you are not entitled to this knowledge.