Angie

I’ve had her faced seared into my mind for weeks now. Remember back in July when the news first broke? I was adjusting again to life in the Palouse, relatively unaware of the world outside my window—everything was disjointed, I only heard murmurs of the girl murdered in Colorado. In case you hadn’t heard, Angie Zapata was brutally beaten to death with a fire extinguisher last July; she had been involved with a man who, upon discovering that Angie was trans, felt the appropriate reaction was a hate-fueled murder. This horrific tragedy rekindled debate in the trans community concerning disclosing trans status to friends and lovers, along with a broader discourse of the Deception Myth. I’m sure anyone keeping up with blog is well aware of my stance regarding the deception myth and the plethora of bullshit assumptions that accompany it.
But I don’t want to trudge through the quagmire of these ridiculous conversations; in relation to the atrocity of the crime and in the wake of Angie’s life, these discussions are somewhat irrelevant. What is important here is the life of Angie Zapata—a tenacious, strong, courageous, loving, beautiful life that inspired the best in her friends and family…and though I’m hesitant to speak for the trans community I’d like to say her life has inspired the best in us as well. I’ve been thinking about Angie a lot lately, holding vigil over the details of her crime, trying to piece together what I can of the girl left in the wake of violence.

Angie is haunting me. Hers was a genuine life, lived to its fullest, filled with beauty and pure potential; the profound grief of losing her is something I’m not sure words can articulate justly. In the face of this tragedy there is but a little solace to be had that Angie left behind her seeds of strength. Hers was the strength and the courage to take risks, to radically accept herself and share that self with the world.

The trial of Angie’s murderer, Allen Andrade, has been exceptionally difficult to watch. I’ve heard the way Andrade described Angie, referring to her as “it,” saying, “Gay things must die.” Andrade said, “It's not like I went up to a schoolteacher and shot her in the head or ... killed a law-abiding straight citizen” and “Did you see that thing in make-up?” He never showed any remorse for what he did—never even acknowledged Angie as being more than an inanimate object. He even jokingly suggested he could sell his story—about killing Angie—for $50,000. His attorneys were not much kinder in their treatment of Angie; they only referred to her with male pronouns and only with the name “Justin” Zapata—they made their argument not about whether or not Andrade did the crime, but on Angie deceiving him. They said, “Justin Zapata deceived a number of people. He was not a girl; he was a boy,” and “Andrade reacted to the deceit not because of Zapata's transgender status.” They accused Angie of lying to people—minimized her murder, saying it was heat of passion, merely a reaction to deceit; minimizing Andrade’s use of the pejorative “it;” all the while the defense constantly said “Mr. Zapata,” “He,” “Him,” “Justin” in reference to Angie. They were attempting to erase the reality that Angie was a girl. Overall the defense’s case was disjointed, sloppy, hard to follow, and weak. They relied on the jury having a gut reaction to Angie—they relied on the myth that transgender people are deceptive, and this strategy blew up in their face. The DA said it best: “Is she supposed to where a sign that she's transgender?”

The jury returned verdicts within two hours: guilty of identity theft, guilty of vehicle theft, guilty of bias motivated crime, and guilty of first degree murder. The defense, at sentencing, said “Mr. Andrade is not some kind of monster." I obviously disagree, and the defense, in the way they handled this case, was likewise monstrous (or at best highly unethical). This trial has left many words seared into my mind: Andrade’s hate-filled phone calls from prison and his dehumanization of Angie; the defense impugning Angie’s character and the validity of her identity; the DA being the soul voice defending Angie…and Angie’s mother, speaking at sentencing: “your honor…I lost somebody so precious....It's so bad. I feel so alone...He took my baby away from me in such a selfish act."

Today, nearly a year after she was taken from us, we have justice for Angie. And you will hear how important this case was, being among the first (if not THE first) case in which the murderer of a trans person is also being tried with a hate crime. We have justice for Angie, and some precedence for those still to come. Tonight, nearly a year after she was murdered, I find myself missing Angie Zapata, even though I never met her. She’s had a profound impact on my life—she has called me to question…Tonight I will light one more candle for Angie, and remember.