I was just about to write this excellent piece about gender expression, leading up to an announcement the I’m going to Taboo Haircutters on Saturday for a make-up appointment, but I just realized I essentially did this approximately a week ago in my post “The Essence of Queer.” That’s a bummer. Well...damn, what am I going to write about now? Well, there’s always one of those topics I mentioned in the comments section of Lori’s blog...
Lori recently wrote about Isis King distancing herself from the trans community, and it got me thinking about this delicate balance between being a trans woman and simply being a woman. Generally I like to think (and more than publically suggest) that the two categories are not mutually exclusive—and really, they are not. Being a trans woman doesn’t invalidate being a woman any more than other descriptors might; the word “trans” simply qualifies an aspect of our gender. That said, the social perception is that we must choose one over the other, and, indeed, there is ample pressure to want to be plain Jane women. Let’s face it; being trans really sucks from time to time: it makes finding a date much more difficult than it otherwise would be, we face huge legal obstacles, we have to worry about whether or not any given masculine trait might unravel our gender, etc. I know there have been moments I wanted to leave all that trans-baggage behind.
When I was preparing to come to Australia I often toyed with the idea of going Stealth. Hey, it’s a new country, no one knows me here—it’s the perfect opportunity to finally shed the trans skin and just blend it—well, blend in as well as a 6’2” girl with copious tattoos can. I actually decided to go along with this plan for a bit, and for the first couple weeks it was remarkably easy to “not be trans.” But this wasn’t a result of consciously going stealth; rather, I just didn’t have time to think about my gender (or even my sexual) identity. The thing is, I couldn’t “outrun” my own past, Facebook saw to that quite effectively. Even without Facebook, though, any Google search for my name brings up hits from the Seattle Gay News, this blog, transgender-related reports in the Daily Evergreen—even interviews with the Pullman-Moscow Daily News in which I discuss being transsexual (which you can read, too, assuming you type in the correct search phrase and feel like paying the subscription fee to read the news paper online). Point is, it wasn’t long before I found myself wondering who all knew what about me—people in my new lab obviously knew I was gay (as I really don’t try to hide that at all; it’s scarcely under the surface at all), but I wasn’t aware if they knew about the big T. Assuming they knew, I started telling one of them about my hometown, and about Trinidad—and, in passing, that Trinidad is where I had “my surgery.”
I don’t think every trans person will have this same pull back into the world of T, but it is inevitable that aspects of their trans past/identity will turn up every now and again. As for me, I cannot live without the trans community—I can’t seem to help myself from talking about trans identity and issues. Recently I found out that a program exists in Adelaide called Bfriend that is designed to help those questioning their sexual orientation or gender and provide support and resources for those wanting to come out and/or become more active in the community. Through Bfriend I learned about transgender dinners and clubs, lesbian dinners, and—most importantly—opportunities to volunteer to become a mentor to someone questioning or considering coming out. The important thing to remember is balance: we do ourselves no favours to live entirely as trans when we transitioned to be men or women, and we likewise limit ourselves if we hop into stealth the moment we achieve passability (or whatever standard of complete transition we are hoping to achieve). As I said at the beginning of this blog, I will soon be going to Taboo to get a little bit of a make-over, something of which I’m learning not to be ashamed or embarrassed. This is my little way of claiming a square yard of femininity—a miniature escape to simply be a fucking girl.
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I have the exact same problem.
ReplyDeleteWhen entering new social situations, I've tried to keep the trans stuff off the table. I'm 6'6", so generally I figure it's out there, but why talk about (I reasoned)? Funny thing, these new people I was around sensed I was being guarded about something. I was at more of a distance from them because of my unwillingness to share than I was if I just opened up and allowed myself to be a little bit vulnerable.
And in the end, I discovered that was true...because I like talking about this stuff. It's important, to me and to others. And it is interesting. In the same way that people from other cultures or with other ideologies are interesting to me. Prefixes and descriptors shouldn't separate us, they're just part of our stories...and stories are to be shared and loved.