Reality Settles In

I’ve been in Adelaide for about half a week now—it scarcely feels like more than a handful of days to me, though. I assume the jet lag and culture shock will fade away soon enough, but for the moment it’s very tiring. I’m sure you’ve noticed this blog (and my last blog) have nothing to do with transgender/lgbt topics, and this is simply because being in Australia has literally turned my world upside down. Adjusting to this new environment is currently taking up all my time, so understandably I do not have a lot of motivation to write about various trans-related things (like the new “cis” debate that evidently erupted over at Pam’s House Blend). Instead of the usual trans topics, I’m writing about my experiences here in Adelaide, adjusting and coping with being a fish out of water.

Yesterday was actually a major day for me. I made a simple trip down to the uni to meet my graduate studies supervisor and came back completely weighed down with terror. I guess this meeting was like the sneak peek of the roller coaster track you get after that initial uphill climb. Seems my roller cart is about to dip down over that first summit. I’m wondering if it’s common that beginning PhD students get this overwhelming feeling of stress, terror and doubt as they commence their programs. I’m finding myself wondering if I’m ready for PhD work, if I’m actually ready to put in all that work—am I smart enough, dedicated enough—am I motivated enough for this? The reality that, for the moment, I am completely alone here is starting to sink in, and part of me is tempted to start looking for an escape route. Obviously, I’m stuck here for a while. Too much has gone into this venture to pull out of it before it even begins. I hate the stress is getting to me even now—weeks before my first semester even commences.

Here’s hoping my next post is more optimistic.